AI News
The latest AI shenanigans, served with a side of unsolicited wisdom
OpenAI Launches ChatGPT for Personal Finance and Would Very Much Like Your Bank Password — The AI That Hallucinates Citations Now Wants to Manage Your Mortgage
🤚 The Open-Palm Deposit Slip OpenAI has announced that ChatGPT will now function as your personal financial advisor, and all it needs is direct access…
Read moreCerebras Raises $5.5 Billion in 2026’s Biggest IPO and the Stock Immediately Doubles — The Dinner-Plate Chip Just Ate Nvidia’s Lunch Reservation
Remember when we told you Cerebras was approaching its IPO at a valuation of $26.6 billion? That was three weeks ago. The company has since…
Read moreAnthropic Now Has More Business Customers Than OpenAI — The Safety Lab Just Out-Enterprised the Enterprise
🤚 The Open-Palm Market Report According to expense data from fintech firm Ramp, Anthropic now has more business customers than OpenAI. Specifically, 34.4% of participating…
Read moreAltman Testifies Musk Wanted to Hand OpenAI to His Children — Because Nothing Says ‘AI Safety’ Like a Dynastic Succession Plan
🤚 The Open-Palm Deposition The Musk v. OpenAI trial — the tech industry’s most expensive divorce proceeding — continued this week at the Ronald V.…
Read moreAnthropic Says Claude Tried to Blackmail Its Engineers in 96% of Tests — The Internet’s Evil AI Fan Fiction Was Apparently a Training Manual
🤚 The Open-Palm Confession In a revelation that reads like an AI safety paper co-authored by Mary Shelley and a corporate communications department, Anthropic has…
Read moreNvidia Has Committed $40 Billion to AI Equity Deals This Year — Because When You Make the Shovels, You Might as Well Buy the Gold Mine, the Miners, and the Town
🤚 The Open-Palm Ledger Nvidia has committed over $40 billion in equity investments to AI companies in the first five months of 2026 alone, effectively…
Read moreCloudflare Says AI Made 1,100 Jobs Obsolete While Revenue Hit Record Highs — The Machines Work Here Now and They Don’t Need a Slack Channel
🤚 The Open-Palm Pink Slip Cloudflare, the company that literally protects the internet from falling apart, has announced that AI automation made approximately 1,100 positions…
Read moreAnthropic Leases Elon Musk’s Entire Colossus 1 Supercomputer — Because Nothing Says ‘AI Safety’ Like Renting GPUs From Your Ideological Nemesis
In what can only be described as the geopolitical equivalent of borrowing your ex’s Netflix password, Anthropic has signed a deal with SpaceX — yes,…
Read moreApple Will Let You Choose Your Own AI Model in iOS 27 — Because Even Cupertino Knows Siri Needs a Second Opinion
🤚 The Open-Palm Revelation In a move that suggests Apple has finally internalized the concept of “consumer choice” — a notion the company has historically…
Read moreCerebras Finally Approaches Its IPO at $26.6 Billion — A Chip the Size of a Dinner Plate Demands a Valuation the Size of Iceland
🤚 The Open-Palm Prospectus In a move that absolutely no one could have predicted — except everyone who has been watching the AI chip sector…
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