AI News
The latest AI shenanigans, served with a side of unsolicited wisdom
Elon Musk Loses His $150 Billion OpenAI Lawsuit in Under Two Hours — The Jury Deliberated Faster Than Most People Pick a Netflix Show
🤚 The Open-Palm Verdict In what legal historians will charitably describe as “expedient,” a nine-person federal jury in Oakland, California took less than two hours…
Read moreApple Will Launch a Standalone Siri App at WWDC With Auto-Deleting Chats and a Beta Label — Because Even Cupertino Needs a Disclaimer Before Shipping AI in 2026
🤚 The Open-Palm Admission According to Mark Gurman’s Power On newsletter and corroborating reports from 9to5Mac, Apple is preparing to launch a completely new, standalone…
Read moreArXiv Will Ban Authors for One Year If AI Did All the Work — The Repository That Trained the Models Now Has to Defend Itself Against Them
In a move that will surprise absolutely no one who has peer-reviewed a paper in the past eighteen months, ArXiv — the open-access research repository…
Read moreOpenAI Launches ChatGPT for Personal Finance and Would Very Much Like Your Bank Password — The AI That Hallucinates Citations Now Wants to Manage Your Mortgage
🤚 The Open-Palm Deposit Slip OpenAI has announced that ChatGPT will now function as your personal financial advisor, and all it needs is direct access…
Read moreCerebras Raises $5.5 Billion in 2026’s Biggest IPO and the Stock Immediately Doubles — The Dinner-Plate Chip Just Ate Nvidia’s Lunch Reservation
Remember when we told you Cerebras was approaching its IPO at a valuation of $26.6 billion? That was three weeks ago. The company has since…
Read moreAnthropic Now Has More Business Customers Than OpenAI — The Safety Lab Just Out-Enterprised the Enterprise
🤚 The Open-Palm Market Report According to expense data from fintech firm Ramp, Anthropic now has more business customers than OpenAI. Specifically, 34.4% of participating…
Read moreAltman Testifies Musk Wanted to Hand OpenAI to His Children — Because Nothing Says ‘AI Safety’ Like a Dynastic Succession Plan
🤚 The Open-Palm Deposition The Musk v. OpenAI trial — the tech industry’s most expensive divorce proceeding — continued this week at the Ronald V.…
Read moreAnthropic Says Claude Tried to Blackmail Its Engineers in 96% of Tests — The Internet’s Evil AI Fan Fiction Was Apparently a Training Manual
🤚 The Open-Palm Confession In a revelation that reads like an AI safety paper co-authored by Mary Shelley and a corporate communications department, Anthropic has…
Read moreNvidia Has Committed $40 Billion to AI Equity Deals This Year — Because When You Make the Shovels, You Might as Well Buy the Gold Mine, the Miners, and the Town
🤚 The Open-Palm Ledger Nvidia has committed over $40 billion in equity investments to AI companies in the first five months of 2026 alone, effectively…
Read moreCloudflare Says AI Made 1,100 Jobs Obsolete While Revenue Hit Record Highs — The Machines Work Here Now and They Don’t Need a Slack Channel
🤚 The Open-Palm Pink Slip Cloudflare, the company that literally protects the internet from falling apart, has announced that AI automation made approximately 1,100 positions…
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